My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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