there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
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It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
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spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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