Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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