Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We are two peas in an std pod
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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