It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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