I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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