Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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