he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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