Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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