I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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