i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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