Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
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We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
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After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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