He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
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I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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