oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I forget how to act sober
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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