Someone shit on the floor
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
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so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
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You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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