Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
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I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
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Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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