I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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