She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize