well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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