a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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