literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
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tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
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I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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