is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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