I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize