So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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