i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
found the other keg... it's in the tree
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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