Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
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Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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