She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Is it because I queefed?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
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So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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