So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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