You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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