That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
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ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
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Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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