Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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