Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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