I need help removing her.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
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you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
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I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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