Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize