his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
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Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
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They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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