So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
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What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
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I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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