Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize