can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
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This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
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We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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