I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
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He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
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I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize