Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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