New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize