Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
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My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
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He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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