Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
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Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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