dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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