Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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