Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
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The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
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Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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