I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
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Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
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They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm having to shit out rocks
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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