I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
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Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
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About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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