how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize