The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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